“Shhh…”
by Stacy Armijo, 8/18/2011 5:22:39 PM | with 0 comments
I spend a lot of time in meetings. Whether it’s a one-on-one with a colleague, a small-group meeting with co-workers or a full day client meeting of 20, I’m in a meeting at least half of my working day. Sitting in one of those day-long meetings recently, it occurred to me how much conscious effort it takes to truly listen during any personal interaction.
Listening … it sounds easy, right? I believe it’s not. Hearing, waiting to talk and pretending to listen … those are all easy. But, actually listening? That’s a true skill I strive to refine every day.
Of course, to listen, we must first stop talking … and I don’t just mean out loud. I mean the more important “talking” – the talking that goes on inside your head. The ideas that swim, the judgments made, the clever responses planned while someone else is talking. Quieting those voices is the hardest part of listening for me, so I’ve recently adopted a new strategy: shushing myself.
Often, I’ll catch myself with the mouth on my face closed but the mouth inside my head going full speed while someone else is talking. When I do, I (politely) tell myself, “Shh…” and refocus on the person who is speaking. I find this incredibly helpful to be “in the moment,” respecting those around me and growing from what they share with me.
I also use a few other tricks, like:
• Writing down ideas, questions or thoughts that spring into my head during a conversation so I don’t distract myself with trying to remember them;
• Doodling during conference calls to keep my attention engaged while avoiding attempts to multitask with email or the Internet;
• Putting my cell phone, iPad and other distracting devices out of reach so I have nothing to do except listen; and
• Focusing on making eye contact – when you’re looking someone directly in the eye, it’s hard not to absorb what they’re saying.
As a PR professional, many believe that my success is defined by talking, but I think the contrary is true. By being a good listener, I can best understand what my clients need and how to engage their audiences to deliver it.
Are you an active listener? What tips can you share?
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